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Sunday, August 13, 2017

A time to heal part 3


Pastor Chris Ney - I don’t know if this is getting old yet or there are others out there that are struggling a bit still. As I have been embarking down this journey there has been many things that have come up but the first one and most challenging was looking at my family patterns, and not just my current family but going back as far as I can. Why would you do this? Well I’m glad you asked because it was just to dig up dirt, no not at all. It was to start looking deeper into my self, and try to break the patterns that could be there. We all have family and some of us have some messy family, but in the end they are still family, and we love each other. This wasn’t a witch-hunt trying to dig up hurt, but it was a research mission to exam the areas that would help me recognize the patterns I have inherited, and followed from generations of mess. When our counselor first asked me to do this I was resistant because I thought the past can’t haunt me now, but amazingly I was surprised at how much it really did affect me. (Yes, we are in counseling)

I need to be crystal clear here, I; nor anyone ever has the right to point fingers and blame our family for how we turned out, we try but really it is just an excuse to shift blame. (We will get into blame in future weeks but for now lets focus on family patterns). When I learned about my family it began to shed light on the history and gave me the chance to change the patterns for my family. I grew up in a good home but a broken one, my parents divorced when I was really young, my dad worked on the CN Rail crews and travelled a lot, and my mom had struggles with alcohol and drugs and really had no desire for kids. It wasn’t a great situation and finally ended with my Dad taking a job in Southern Ontario; he loved my brother and I and took us with him. He got remarried and bought a new house in Dundas, Ontario where I grew up. Two more kids came into the house and the family kept growing. Life was far from perfect but it was all we knew growing up so we dealt with it. It taught me to be extremely independent, and if I wanted something I just did it myself. Here is the funny thing, I have not said all of this so I can look at my past and go poor me, I guess this is all I can be, no, that is what I was doing though. My mother issues of abandonment crept into my marriage and I would cast doubt even though Gemma had never given me reason to, and through it I was using my past family issues as an excuse to limit my life now, and I was using it to have some pity my way. Sad really is what it was, and the only ones it hurt were the ones who never deserved to be hurt.

When I started down this road I had no idea about how far God needed to go to get to the roots of who I was to make me more the man He desires me to be, but you see God is a gentleman and He will never force us to walk a road we don’t want to. I am willing and so I get to wrestle with this now willingly. What God has been showing me is that no matter what happened in my life from parent’s divorces to a brother trying to kill me with an axe, it didn’t have to control who I was and how I treated people now. It wasn’t easy, I know writing this now might make it seem easy, it is not in fact I am still working through some of these things now but at least I am doing so with the mind that I am loved, I am significant and not because of anything I have done but because of what Jesus has done.

Our past are a part of our reality, but they don’t have to control who we are, Jesus came down to show the heart of the Father, a Father that would never hurt us, leave us, forsake us, in fact a Father that loves you and me so much that He gave His son so that we could have a relationship with Him. Jesus was sent to pay the price for yours and my wrongs; He loves us so much that He put Himself in our place to pay for our sin. Crazy to think of that kind of love, but it is real and there. God wants to have that kind of relationship with you today as well if you do not know Him. He ask that you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe that God raised Him from the grave and you will be saved, you will turn to Him and away from your current life and begin to live in the freedom and joy that only comes by knowing the Father. If you know Him then lean on Him and take the time to look into the family and ask Him what are the patterns I need to break so my kids, my wife, my husband sees something different. Take the time to ask someone close to you what they see, how they see you, and then how they can help. Most of all no matter who you are, you are more then your past, your upbringing, your hurts, and pains. God is in the process of healing me through this and healing my family as well. He is amazing, If you know Jesus you are a precious child who is beloved by the Father more then you will ever know, if you don’t know Him, He is standing right there waiting for you to turn to Him and ask for forgiveness and acknowledge Him. That easy, that awesome, and so much joy and life comes from there. Know the past but don’t let it control you.

Love God, Love each other, love your neighbor

You are Loved

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