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Sunday, August 20, 2017

A time to heal part 4

Chris Ney - The next stage of the work God has been carving off of the rough edges I have built up over the years, these walls which often appeared in the form of insecurities, anger, control, frustration, having to get my way, blame and deflection. What I am going to share this week has to do with blame and deflection. It is never easy to pen the words of struggle on this page, it takes a lot of effort and openness that I am not comfortable with or used to but for our forth week here we go, as I am sure I am not alone in this one either, my hopes are that what I have gone through will give anyone hope for their own journey that we all struggle and we all have messes to get cleaned up.

This was one of my favorites that the Father has been stripping away day-by-day, blame and defection, which can also look like defensiveness. It was always easier to look at others faults instead of my own; sometimes I would look at their faults seeing how much better I could do it, or was. So when I had the chance it was easy to point where someone failed or I could do it better, it made me feel important because that is what we are always looking for right is someone to do it better then the person we don’t like, or isn’t doing it just how we would or, or, or the list can go on. I was that person that would blame others for my choices or actions, now not all the time but sometimes, I mean I can remember coaching and responding to a player harshly, and then justified it by saying he was out of line. Now there is truth in that statement but no matter what I should never blame any one else for my reactions, because that is all I can control anyway. Eph 4:15 specifically says we are to speak the truth in love that certainly wasn’t the case here. How about another time where I was sitting in a room with men who were trying to walk with me and instead of dealing with it I would look and point out there issues or even instead of listening I would defend myself. All of these are wrong, they are apart of the mess that I learned early on how to survive but yet they are wrong and have never actually proven to get me anywhere expect broken relationships and people around me who instead of walking with me would just deal or tolerate me.

This was one of the toughest things over the last two months to work on, I have had to look deep into the mirror and ask the why questions, why did I blame them? why did I defend myself, why did I deflect on them? It started to hit me like a ton of bricks, it was to protect myself; I was believing the lie that I wasn’t good enough, no one would like me, I was a failure so I would puff up my chest and act like I had it all together instead of just admitting I didn’t know. What I didn’t realize was the wake of people that was in the wake of it. (If you are one that I have hurt through this then please know I am sorry and I would at any time love to sit down and have coffee with you to share just that.) I would lose friendships, mentors, co-workers etc., and instead of looking in I would add bricks to my wall and just shut out the emotions that I cared. Wow

On this end now some time after the Father has began to work on this heart I am looking in the mirror trying to be a different kind of man then I was before, and don’t get me wrong I am not perfect and wont be this side of my last breath. What I am saying is that I have opened up my life to some people around me, and mostly opened up to the Father so He can do the work that needs to be done. That is the biggest difference as well to actually going deeper then ever before, the more this continues the more God works, the tougher it gets and it hurts; but on the other side of each of these has been such freedom, peace, joy like I have never known. I wish nothing more right now to fix relationships and demonstrate the heart of the Father as He has shown me through all of this. It is awesome to be loved and because of that love it is easy to really, truly love others with no strings attached.

There is really no room for blame, defensiveness, or deflection in this life, not that we cant but that we shouldn’t. I needed to be someone who owned my mess and will continue to and also needed to be someone that stopped trying to own everyone’s mess. I am taking the steps day by day to trust the Father and that He will work all things out, it sounds crazy but man it has been working. The less I pushed, fought, I blamed the more God had room to work in me and in the situation. Sometimes, just sometimes crazy works.

How did I get to this place, well it starts with knowing the Father, just in your head but your heart as well, by confessing Jesus as Lord and asking Him for forgiveness for wrongs in your life, and then desiring nothing more then to turn from the path you are on now to following Jesus. He is right there if you are willing to follow Him and trust Him. If you know Him but don’t have this kind of trust in Him maybe now is the time to change that, maybe now is the time to find someone to talk with who can lead you this way. There is so much more to the walk as a true follower of Jesus then just Sunday mornings. If you cant find someone to talk to call or email me I would love to sit down with you and share more about what the Father has been doing in me and could in you as well but please just don’t sit still. There is too much at stake but just sitting on the sidelines when you are a starting quarterback. It is not a game but no matter whom you are or what has happened the Father has made you in His image, He loves you and has a plan for you. Its time to be a beacon for Him, and to live out what He has made you to be. Start by the next time you walk into a situation you give the benefit of the doubt, don’t blame, and mostly don’t defend yourself, listen and own your end, I am just walking down this road now with eyes and heart wide open. He is awesome and He loves you, we at Vertical love you.

You are loved

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